When the word “Human” is mentioned, what comes into your mind? Some would say … “Human Errors”, “Human Life”. True. Let’s continue.
When the phrase “Human Being” is mentioned, what comes into your mind? Perhaps you would say “social life”, “interaction”, “civilization”, “networking”, “humanity”?
True. All these things are just unavoidable in human daily life. We are social creatures, we will always deal with one another, we will always interact with the others close to our place, area, neighborhood, friends and teachers at schools or colleges, other employees at working places, and so on, and even on Internet … we also interact with the others who are using the same sites we browse. An online forum is the best example.
During our interaction between us and the others, sometimes we find happy situations, sometimes we find sad situations, or there would be something that makes us feel upset, get mad, or laugh out loud. Some people find the interaction is quite easy for them, but the others find it is just difficult to interact with some people. Even the interaction itself sometimes brings different outcome for different people:
- A is happy with that interaction
- B is skeptical
- C is trying to leave the place as soon as possible
- D is trying the best to make everyone happy
- E is just frustrated with the interaction.
How come?
Well. You can’t always get what you want. That’s the point I want to show. And those who meet worse situation would have some conflicts arise between them.
Even some people just feel that the small interaction within their core family will bring them trouble, or the least bad situation for them is … getting upset and small conflicts happening.
I know a friend who is still living with her parents. The only reason she still lives with them is because she just feels she cannot leave her parents like that. Her staying versus leaving has also become a dilemma. It has been ‘hard’ to deal with. It is her parents’ house. Actually she didn’t want to deal with her parents’ things, and for example when we mentioned about “kitchen”, you would still see resentment on her face. This is just a small example, because actually she has a lot of trouble with the parents, however, so far she still tries to handle the situation, at least for the sake of this family’s peace.
It started from the different characteristic between her and her mother. And the kitchen was only one of the small examples of how the resentment will pile up and become a hill of bitterness. So if we ask her where is the worst place within her house, or the most part she hates within the house, she would certainly say “The kitchen”.
Maybe half of you are wondering, what kind of kitchen that has brought such a trouble between her and her mother? I know some mothers and daughters might share the kitchen happily and without any problem, however it doesn’t happen between these two. It seems like this friend can’t get what she wants from her mother and her mother can’t get what she wants from this daughter either, and in this example, something related to the kitchen. There are other things, but it would be a very long story to tell you, so let’s just mention the kitchen.
My friend loves dry kitchen, and she has always tried to keep all the utensils, every dishes, pan, spoons, forks, etc. already dry before she stores them back into the storing cabinets, but her mother will just store all these things without even bothering about whether these things are still wet or already dry. So perhaps you can imagine when every parts within the cabinets are ‘contaminated’ with the remaining waters from the plates or whatever the mother put in the cupboard back then. Everything was a mess.
And not to mention, most of the cabinets were made from woods, with these things just being placed like that. The cabinets will not last for a long time, for sure.
Also, the stain of the remaining waters, left on some utensils made from metal. Sometimes my friend found a spoon still having the stain of detergent, already dry, within the spoon cabinet. And then, she would be the person who washed the spoon * again *. So what’s the point of the mother’s previous cleaning towards this spoon back then?
And, some certain living creatures will just love the wet area. So mostly, when the daughter just didn’t notice that the wet dishes were stored within the cabinets, later she would find some disgusting creatures were staying or were just running here and there within the storing area. So you can imagine the conflict that later arose between these mother and daughter? After all, they shared the same kitchen for cooking; they shared the same kitchen utensils for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the whole members of the family.
I forgot to mention that my friend took the house cleaning task within the house. So she would be the one who always found the disgusting creatures playing in the hidden area, which was supposed to be clean and hygienic, because all the things were for cooking or placing the foods. Later, we would have the situations when she found herself rushing to wash the dishes herself before her mother did it. She said “I had better become the one who washes all these things and stores it for myself. I can’t stand finding all the mess of these jerks. This is the kitchen, not the toilet. It stenches, you know?”
I can’t blame the mother’s laziness, perhaps also her arrogance, since she was the owner of the kitchen so she couldn’t have someone else complaining about her kitchen, even from her own daughter (or perhaps also from the father at some occasion). After all, she was the mistress within the house and my friend was the daughter. But I can’t blame the daughter, because it seems like her mother had always taken her for granted, never paid attention to her warning, and I wonder if this mother really did what her daughter had often suspected, toying with her daughter, probably the mother just tried to kick her out of their house?
“If it is true, then that’s good news,” my friend said, laughing.
At least, the daughter had ever told all these things to her mother, more than twice, even more than five times and she complained to me, that she had been too tired of speaking the same thing again and again to her mother. And then the conflicts arose.
That’s just a small example, that in life, we can’t always get what we want. Sometimes some people still try to tolerate the others, but when they are no longer able to tolerate the situation or the behavior, what should be done? Some peace talk might work for some people, but it doesn’t work for the others.
Don’t ask the question: “where’s the father?” towards this friend. The father already has more things to deal with, so the daughter will just leave these things between her and her mother. So, hmm, I just keep hoping that she would be able to deal with the situation better.
I ever offered an advice to her, telling her that she might to move out of the house and start living her own life. Well, she told me that she actually had the plan but she still couldn’t do it yet. She said that she couldn’t leave her parents that way until the family’s life got better, when the financial part would no longer be a problem for the parents. In fact, since the high school age she had been thinking of leaving the family, walking on her own paths alone (yes, she chose the path of single hood), and joining some voluntary jobs when she really leaves the family one day.
And what a coincidence about voluntaries, I believe. So I told her, “Don’t you think that when you become a volunteer one day, you will meet worse ladies than your Mom?” She was pondering for a while, and then she said, “Could be.”
“So what’s the point of getting upset with your Mom nowadays? You say you want to go volunteering in religious mission, if you have not been able to manage your emotion with your current situation and this is your own Mom, do you think you will have better reaction towards the strangers in your voluntary jobs?” I asked her.
No, I didn’t say that she was at the wrong side, that’s normal concerning the emotional side of a human being, and I knew her valid points somehow. However, I just wanted to remind her own future ‘chosen path’, that’s why I asked her that question.
“Perhaps this is a test from The One Above to prove whether you will really qualify for the mission.” I added, “I think that once you have passed the test, your parents will meet the better financial situations you have always prayed for them, and that’s when you finally can make your own ‘flight’. At that time, nobody will blame you for leaving them then.”
She only nodded back then, no more words, and I just left it for her own consideration. I think I would still admire this person; she had planned something I’m sure very few people would still do for the parents.
She said that she was still working hard these days for her parents’ future. She has decided that when the day finally arrives, she would leave all her belongings and treasures, including the money she has earned, leave all these things for her parents, and make her first step to join the missions. It was hard to believe, indeed. Most parents are the ones who would leave heritage for their kids, but … has the world been turned upside-down for her life?
I told her, “Your parents might not need that, what would be left for yourself?”
But she said, “I can live on my own. I can survive. You said that my parents worried about me so much, but you all just never know. Actually I am the one who should worry about them. I had ever died and came back to this life again by The Grace, that’s why I am still here now, and I know how life exactly would work for me. But my parents don’t know any kind of these things, they never entered the phase of between life-and-death, they never believed it, so they would never understand my choice.”
“I think that most people would just never understand. I know my parents will find hard times to deal with my leaving. But like you said, we can’t always get what we want. Now I am inside the situation, and next time, it will be my parents’ turn.” she said again.
“To be or not to be … that is the question,” I replied, “I guess your parents are even thinking that they already have it now.”
My friend chuckled.
“You can’t always get what you want,” she said back, “the question is … how would you react towards this situation? Blame it? Rant? I have found that’s not a wise decision.”
Yeah, I think it is a very valid point. If we can always get everything we want, then what’s the point of the “NO” word? 
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